Reader Martin has sent along this email which he says is making the rounds at his club:

THE USGA WOULD LIKE TO INFORM ALL GOLFERS

There is a possibility of MAJOR rule changes to the game of golf, this may occur sometime after November 4.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being written now.

Here are a couple of basic changes.

Golfers with handicaps:

- below 10 will have their green fees increase by 35%

- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees

- above 18 will play for free and even get a check from the club/course played

The $ amount put in for bets will be as follows:

-for handicaps below 10 an additional $10

-between 11 and 18 no additional amount

-above 18 you will receive the total amount in the pot and you do not even have to play.

The term “gimme putt” will be changed to “entitlement”

and will be used as follows:

-handicaps below 10, no entitlements

-handicaps above 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts

-handicaps above 18, if on green, no need to ever putt, just pick it up

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness in scoring so that the final scores of all players will be about the same.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a max of one birdie and/or six pars, any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player making the birdie or par, can that Player begin to count his score again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps 18 and above.

This is intended to “redistribute” the success of winning by making sure that in every competition the above 18 handicap players will post only “net score” against every other player’s gross score.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.  Golf must be about Fairness Only, it should have nothing to do with Ability. 

Now I’ve seen everything. Bottled water for your dog. At Petco.

I ran across this quote from Sam Snead the other day:

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

Here’s a take on the classic Abbott and Costello “Who’s On First” routine that’s been making the email rounds. I found it really funny ...

It’s long, so read the entire thing after the jump: