During the first round of the Masters, Tiger’s playing partners, Mark O’Meara and Sean O’Hair both notice that he has a pair of women’s thongs protruding from his left sleeve. Not wanting to see their friend become the target of even more media ridicule, they take Tiger aside after Flowering Peach (the third hole).

“Tiger,” O’Meara says. “I don’t know if you realize it, but you’ve got some bimbo’s thongs stuck to your sleeve.”

Tiger just laughed. “Oh, it’s ok.” he said. “I’m on the patch.”

I just made this up, so if its not funny, I’m entirely to blame. It’s modified from another joke I heard:

Two rednecks are speeding while drinking and driving down a country road. A state trooper pulls them over.

“Quick,” Jimbo says to Billy Bob. “Pull a couple of labels off those beer bottles.”

Jimbo does, and Billy Bob slaps one on his shoulder.

The Trooper steps up to the car. “You boys been drinking?” he asks.

“It’s ok, officer,” said Billy Bob as he pulled up his sleeve. “I’m on the patch.”

From David Letterman. He should talk.

Manpacks is a subscription service that will deliver fresh t shirts, socks and underwear to your door every three months.

There are just SO many things I could say about this, I don’t even know where to start.

But I will mention a theory some of the guys in my college dorm had about underwear—that you can wear it four times before washing it: frontwards, backwards, inside frontwards, and inside backwards. Needless to say, this was from guys without girlfriends.

I spend a not-inconsiderable amount of time each day cleaning out spam from my blog’s comments. Mostly, they’re just stupid, but occasionally, the fractured English written by the poor peasants in the Indian and Chinese spam farms is hilarious. Like this one:

Excellent news. I am glad that on importance you blog is popular, as it is really interesting and affable. It is pleasant to me your articles and that that you do! My congratulations. [sic]

It reminds me a bit of the now legendary video game message “All Your Base Are Now Belong To Us.”

The message then was followed with a url for an overseas site selling Viagra. I can’t believe that—given the way the Chinese put lead in kids toys—that anyone would think they could get a decent medicine from them. At the very least, it won’t actually work. At worst ...