Bobby Jones had his “Calamity Jane.” Do you have pet names for your clubs?

I don’t, but for the record, I do name my computers after my favorite actors. Right now, I’m writing on “Randolph” (Scott). There’s also Duke, Clint and Bogey.

A friend sent this to me the other day. I particularly like the Darth Vader one:

A friend emailed this to me. It’s a riff on the classic Abbott and Costello “Who’s On First Routine”:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
-

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’…….

Here’s a cute Microsoft ad, with a golf hook at the end.

This sign outside a McDonald’s struck me as funny. It says a lot about the world we live in: Win a Million and quit your second job.

A million isn’t worth as much as it used to be. And with so many people out of work, who has a SECOND job?

After finding my drive on a very long par five, my GPS indicated that I still had 350 to the green. Not believing the numbers, I looked to a sprinklerhead for confirmation. It said “Just Hit It.”

Seriously. “Just Hit It.” I did. Three wood, and after that, I still had 150 to go. Long story short, I managed a par.

No photo, unfortunately. I tried, but the light, and the depression of the letters was such that it didn’t show up. I’ll look for it the next time I head out that way.

A story I heard recently:

It seems that the junior member was having serious difficulty with his swing, hacking his way around the course and driving his much-valued handicap alarmingly upward. Gadgets, books and videos did no good. Nor did visits to the local pro. The more he tried, the angrier he got. And the angrier he got, the worse he played.

Finally, having seen enough, the senior member spoke up: “I know a pro—a magician, really—who could fix your swing. He took one look at mine a couple of years ago and gave me a fix that took six shots off my score. Best teacher I’ve ever had. The only problem is that he’s on the other side of the state.”

The junior member was so enthusiastic that he almost immediately called the pro to make an appointment.

On the appointed day, the junior member drove two hours to the pro’s course and—having arrived early—went to the range to warm up.

He swing, and missed. “F—-”
Swing. “F—-!”
Swing. “F—-!!”
Swing. “F—-!!!”

Unbeknownst to the junior member, the pro was standing behind him.

“I can’t teach you a thing,” the pro said.

“What? Why?,” the junior member asked. “I drove all the way across the f—-ing state!”

“Because you’re too f—-ing angry, that’s why. And I can’t teach you a f—-ing thing when you’re in that sort of mood.”

It all turned out well in the end. The junior member calmed down, the pro gave his lesson, and the swing returned. And lesson learned, the junior member repeats this story to anyone who will listen.