Counting Courses

I think it’s probably safe to say that anyone with more than a casual acquaintence with the game of golf has found himself in slumberland standing on a tee box, in a fairway or on a green. Dreaming of the game, I’ve found, is a common experience among the golfers that I know. Some relive great rounds or shots; others are forced to endure nightmares. But anyone who plays with any enthusiasm dreams of fariways and greens.

But I also have a further confession to make. I not only dream of golf; I put myself to sleep thinking about it.

For years, I’ve been something of an insomniac. Although I must get up at five to get to work on time, I can rarely fall asleep before eleven. I’m tired, but just not sleepy. Part of the problem is that my mind runs on endlessly with problems looking for solutions’, kids schedules and what I’m going to teach in class tomorrow.

The age old solution for sleeplessness is counting sheep. It’s something that makes sense, I suppose, if you are a shepherd or otherwise engaged in some agrarian occupation. Counting a flock as they pass through a turnstyle is no doubt boring enough to put even the most alert farmer to sleep.

But I’m a thoroughly suburban creature, and have no interest in sheep whatsoever. So I recently hit upon a solution: Rather than counting sheep, I replay in my head one of my recent rounds of golf.

I close my eyes and imagine standing on the first tee. I pull a club from the bag and tee up the ball. Then the swing. I relive the arc or the ball, usually high and straight, but not long. It bounces a couple of times and then settles down.

I mostly skip the walk between shots, for I have no interest in playing the entire round in real time. It’s more like a highlight (or lowlight) reel. I replay the second shot and then fast forward to the green. A couple of putts, and then its on to the next hole. I’ve been known to improve my lie and even take a dreamland mulligan.

I don’t think I’ve ever finished one of my insomnia curing rounds, or even a nine. I can remember playing six once, but that’s about it.

I told Mrs. GolfBlogger about my new strategy for falling asleep and she just nodded.

“Now you know how I feel about watching golf on television”