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 enlarge | Authors: Charla Muller, Betsy Thorpe
Publisher: Berkley Trade
Category: Book
List Price: $14.00
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Rating:  39 reviews
Sales Rank: 11291
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 288
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.4
Dimensions (in): 8.1 x 5.2 x 0.9
ISBN: 0425222578
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.81092
EAN: 9780425222577
ASIN: 0425222578
Publication Date: June 24, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| Customer Reviews:
 A chore and a bore August 30, 2008
20 out of 33 found this review helpful
Charla Muller's epigraph for 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy is from dramatist Jean Anouilh: "To say yes, you have to sweat and roll up your sleeves and plunge both hands into life up to the elbows." Out of its context, Anouilh's quotation summarizes Charla Muller's attitude toward marital sex: It's a chore and a bore. That is why, on the occasion of her husband's 40th birthday, she, in the spirit of self-sacrifice, offers him what she calls "The Gift"--sex every day for the next year. After pages of overwrought mutual analysis about the implications, Brad Muller accepts. In one short chapter, the reader is introduced to what seems to be the most passionless marriage on the planet.
The rest of 365 Nights (give or take a few--mustn't have sex during menstruation, for example) rarely delves into sex or even intimacy, physical or emotional. Our most penetrating look into the Mullers' sex life comes when Charla says, "Wow, that was really nice" (or "yummy") and Brad says, "Could you pretend you're enjoying it?" to which Charla replies, "How 'bout you just close your eyes." Between these flashes of profound love, Charla tirelessly fills the reader in on her rather narrow view of relationships, marriage, parenting, being a working mother (she works two days a week), and how giving her husband what he wants ("The Gift") has somehow made them stronger as a couple. It's not the intimacy itself that seems to bring them closer together, but the sense of sacrifice and the willingness to work to overcome the obstacles--not only Charla's dislike of sex (which she seems to believe she shares with every married mother), but logistics such as work, children, activities, and the need for private time.
Perhaps married women with children who see their husbands as "sperm donors" and "providers," as Charla writes of some of her friends, will relate to her and her view of love, marriage, and life. Undoubtedly, many will find that she validates the sexual ennui that can set in during any long-term relationship. From my single, childless perspective, she offers no insights, not even as to the underlying reasons she makes every effort to avoid sex with the man she loves and why getting ready for sex means, "I just continue lying there" (prompting her husband to say, "Could you pretend you're interested in this?").
When the year of "The Gift" is over, Brad seems happy because he will continue to get sex more frequently (although not every day), and Charla is happy because her husband is more content and her marriage is more solid--and, to me, as free of passion as ever. Charla writes about some of the benefits of sex--it provides exercise and offers improved communication for example (she likes to talk to Brad about the mundane during the act, we learn). She mentions greater emotional intimacy, but she doesn't convey it or what it means. She touches on the surface of the issues, but is unable or is afraid to say anything meaningful beyond the obvious. While she lies back and gives "The Gift," she cannot bring herself to mention that she finds any physical pleasure or emotional joy in the act itself (other than that it's "nice"). She and Brad seem to be well suited to each other, but they could be brother and sister Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables for all the passion shown in their marriage--with or without sex.
Charla's perky style is annoying, and her values, which she assumes we all share, are painfully shallow. She disdains ugly mini-vans (and her beloved children's energy future) in favor of a "cool" SUV. A "polite feminist," she believes that it's a "rule" that women, and now men, must pluck their eyebrows (and any other hair that doesn't meet her concept of perfect grooming and appearance). She is surprised to learn she is pregnant after just a couple of months, calling herself "very fertile" (what does this make Brad?) and making one wonder if she never learned the reasons that contraception became such a hot topic for 19th century women. She abhors the idea of aging naturally and fantasizes about "slight tweaking" through plastic surgery until Brad says, "What will she [daughter] think if she sees her mother conforming to these bizarre societal standards?"--standards to which Charla would have us all make every effort to conform.
Charla presents herself as someone you should want to chat with over coffee about the vicissitudes of married suburban life; indeed, that's how this book came about. I couldn't. It's more than her overuse of words like "nice," "gal," and "girls" (this from a "polite feminist") or the wearisome banality of her endless reflections. She's one of those people--we all know at least one--who prattle nonstop without saying anything, leaving one feeling tired and empty--or energized, if that is your sort of thing.
365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy could have been a compelling story, but it would take a more interesting and thoughtful person than Charla Muller to grasp the topic and its nuances and to do it the justice it deserves.
 Booooring... August 18, 2008
5 out of 7 found this review helpful
I thought it was a great idea what she did, and I was really excited to read this book. But it was so boring! She barely talked about the sex, and rambled on and on about how she likes to cook, about her life, and barely discussed the impact the gift made on their sex life. I read the first half, felt bored to tears, and skipped to the epilogue where I got the gist of the entire book. The only reason she gets 2 stars for this book is because I loved the idea behind the gift and thought it was gutsy that she then wrote a book about it. I just wish the book had had more oomph.
Good Book August 11, 2008
3 out of 4 found this review helpful
This is a good book... exactly what you think it would be. It's not written by a Ph.D. or anything... just a wife telling about her year of sex. I guess it can be inspiring to a woman who wants to help her sex life. Dont let your husband read it or he'll want the gift of sex every day.
 Ladies - Buy this book for your husband!!! August 9, 2008
2 out of 4 found this review helpful
What's the 2nd largest complaint men make about the woman in their life? (Most women know the first is they don't "get" enough.) - Most men find women confusing. (Face it ladies, most of us do think the men in our lives should be able read our minds after a number of years.)
Charla Muller offers an insider's look at the realities of "married with children" in an honest, light-hearted, shoot from the hip style. I had so many "hey-that's me" moments that I lost count after the first chapter. Read this book ladies and you will find out that you are not alone. Give this book to your husband and you may find they understand you just a bit better.
The best relationship book since Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus!
INTIMACY July 31, 2008
3 out of 4 found this review helpful
It's got positive energy about it, positive concepts and overall it's about a style of living rather then about sex of love. If someone wants a detailed how-to guide - this is not it. The book goes as a diary starting with a conversation between the author and her husband, which leads into some funny anecdotes about experiences in her life that impacted who she is today and therefore what she brings into her marriage.
To go more into a self help book about this topic i will highly recommend I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't
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